About dwights : Hey I'm 18. I'm from California. I love the ocean. thats pretty much it.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54035) - you deserved it (8371)
On 06/27/2009 at 9:47am - intimacy - by Victim (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6220) - you deserved it (87393)
On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I was at Disneyland with some of my friends. While eating lunch, we watched a small child get frightened by the person dressed as Mickey Mouse. We all burst out laughing only to be jumped by Chip and Dale. Apparently I scream louder than the little kid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5855) - you deserved it (34345)
On 06/26/2009 at 11:44pm - misc - by FailureAtLife121 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, it's my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife. Awesome right? It's the same album some jerk way over-bidded me for on eBay. That jerk was my wife, using my credit card. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48092) - you deserved it (6256)
On 06/26/2009 at 5:51am - money - by xero_art (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59011) - you deserved it (30957)
On 06/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Jeweler (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing. Thinking it was weird but not wanting to be rude, I answered her questions. Halfway though our conversation she said: "Hold on, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I'm talking to her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38475) - you deserved it (10332)
On 06/25/2009 at 12:34am - misc - by embarrassed4life (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35959) - you deserved it (8306)
On 06/24/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by Nutty (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one last thrill. So I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out, when I asked why, he points behind me, my mom watched the whole thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20659) - you deserved it (52434)
On 06/23/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by wastedlove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21684) - you deserved it (61477)
On 06/23/2009 at 10:19am - work - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my daughter used pledge to clean the wooden staircase. I found out when I tried to walk down them in socks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36740) - you deserved it (3530)
On 06/23/2009 at 2:12am - kids - by FastFlight (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my daughter used pledge to clean the wooden staircase. I found out when I tried to walk down them in socks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36740) - you deserved it (3530)
On 06/23/2009 at 2:12am - kids - by FastFlight (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, was my boyfriends birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52223) - you deserved it (20568)
On 06/21/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by jinxofsocal (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I helped my grandparents carry luggage to their hotel room, where they're staying the night tonight after my wedding reception. Their room is 203. Mine is 201. Their room shares a wall with my honeymoon suite. My grandparents are going to hear me consummate my marriage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44517) - you deserved it (642)
On 06/20/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by groom (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8263) - you deserved it (45163)
On 06/20/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42505) - you deserved it (16277)
On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)
Monday 20 May 2013
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