About dwights : Hey I'm 18. I'm from California. I love the ocean. thats pretty much it.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14499) - you deserved it (44045)
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66926) - you deserved it (13941)
On 07/08/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by onething (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37536) - you deserved it (2186)
On 07/05/2009 at 8:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boss told me he is a superhero. He has written countless comics about his crusades and adventures. I make fifty dollars an hour less than him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31230) - you deserved it (2796)
On 07/05/2009 at 12:53am - money - by iloveZELOS (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38640) - you deserved it (15900)
On 07/04/2009 at 4:30pm - intimacy - by twintowers (woman) - United States
Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16020) - you deserved it (33597)
On 07/04/2009 at 1:31pm - misc - by Singed (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56885) - you deserved it (9495)
On 07/04/2009 at 12:49am - love - by Cococautly (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the 8th grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57134) - you deserved it (13711)
On 07/03/2009 at 9:45pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, while watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year old, I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga, and why her son's name is Roo. Kanga-Roo. Get it? Yeah. I didn't until today. I'm 47. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16704) - you deserved it (36869)
On 07/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by slightlyslow (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45322) - you deserved it (1882)
On 07/01/2009 at 8:58pm - love - by dwaggle (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (119177) - you deserved it (5918)
On 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I decided to start running to stay fit. Before I left, I put my cell phone in my sweat shirt pocket, and jumped vigorously up and down and ran around my apartment to make sure it wouldn't fall out. On a bridge, it slides out of my pocket and drops fifteen feet into the water below. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32779) - you deserved it (11069)
On 06/30/2009 at 5:23am - health - by Ginny (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out her second story bedroom window taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned 'My baby's first kiss!' FML
I agree, your life sucks (78401) - you deserved it (4702)
On 06/28/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by steven (man) - Cayman Islands
Today, I was at the movies with my mom and dad, and the preview to my "My Sisters Keeper" came on. The trailer started out with "Most babies are accidents..." Right as that line was finished my mom elbowed me and laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50656) - you deserved it (3360)
On 06/28/2009 at 2:12am - kids - by A2 (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I went on a blind date a girl from work had set me up with. Apparently my co-worker thinks I'm gay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38955) - you deserved it (3019)
On 06/28/2009 at 12:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
