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dumbledoresbeard

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dumbledoresbeard

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dumbledoresbeard's favorite FMLs

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML

#20705783
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43747) - you deserved it (4094)

On 06/04/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by no booze, no boyfriend (woman) - United States

Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me while screaming, "My precious!" FML

#20701776
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41581) - you deserved it (6818)

On 06/02/2013 at 6:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Thurrock)

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

#20700571
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49218) - you deserved it (5860)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:06am - misc - by sleepy momma - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61801) - you deserved it (13967)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a friend was put on suicide watch when her parents wouldn't pay $500 for a premium senior picture package. FML

Today, a friend was put on suicide watch when her parents wouldn't pay $500 for a premium senior picture package. FML

Today, a friend was put on suicide watch when her parents wouldn't pay $500 for a premium senior picture package. FML

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

#20646351
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29838) - you deserved it (38583)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48207) - you deserved it (6822)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I met one of my favorite web-comic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

#20631829
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29882) - you deserved it (6567)

On 04/29/2013 at 11:32pm - misc - by stupidquestionsstupidpeople - United States (Illinois)

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

#20619241
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44190) - you deserved it (3668)

On 04/24/2013 at 8:18pm - misc - by pregz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47219) - you deserved it (7766)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML

#20595880
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38538) - you deserved it (3434)

On 04/16/2013 at 6:50am - work - by no compassion - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

#20593993
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39672) - you deserved it (10828)

On 04/15/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Kutakito (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)



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