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Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6771) - you deserved it (413)
On 05/20/2013 at 7:57am - kids - by AuntPeePee - United States
Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10247) - you deserved it (1264)
On 05/20/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by soreloser (man) - United States (Montana)
Today, I'm planning my big sister's wedding. My long-term, live-in boyfriend walked by and saw me looking at the wedding tab on Pinterest, smirked, and said, "Don't get your hopes up." I had. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16121) - you deserved it (2598)
On 05/20/2013 at 12:47am - love - by ForeverAlone (woman) - United States
Today, my parents posted on Facebook that they were excited that my sister was pregnant and couldn't wait to be grandparents. Last week I told them that I, a 33-year-old happily married woman, was pregnant and they told me I was ruining my life and encouraged me to have an abortion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18933) - you deserved it (917)
On 05/20/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by pregnant loser apparently (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14998) - you deserved it (2112)
On 05/19/2013 at 7:07pm - misc - by black hoodie - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while at hospital with a broken arm, I was asked to raise my hand onto the x-ray machine. I told the nurse I couldn't move it without extreme pain. She told me to suck it up, picked up my arm, and dropped it on the machine. I could feel the bone completely separate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42441) - you deserved it (2356)
On 05/18/2013 at 7:15pm - health - by mackmackey (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML
I agree, your life sucks (41051) - you deserved it (4285)
On 05/16/2013 at 5:23pm - love - by paging dr. kevorkian (man) - Netherlands
Today, I walked in on my sister masturbating with my curling iron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49137) - you deserved it (3845)
On 05/16/2013 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by need € for new iron (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)
Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43104) - you deserved it (7630)
On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)
Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48631) - you deserved it (4252)
On 05/11/2013 at 12:01am - love - by Bridget - Canada (Ontario)
Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42782) - you deserved it (4479)
On 05/10/2013 at 8:37am - animals - by FenRackety (man) - Canada
Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45420) - you deserved it (5536)
On 05/09/2013 at 9:41pm - kids - by brokedad - United States
Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52121) - you deserved it (3578)
On 05/08/2013 at 10:44am - intimacy - by oops - Canada (Alberta)
Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46657) - you deserved it (4062)
On 04/30/2013 at 3:54am - money - by ShowerGirl (woman) - United States
Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38922) - you deserved it (4465) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Monday 20 May 2013
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