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dre9889

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dre9889

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1170
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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dre9889's page activity

Visits<b>cupcakewarrior_</b> - the 07/25/2013 at 9:14am<b>RaVeStudios</b> - the 07/21/2013 at 10:31am<b>Exothermia</b> - the 12/24/2012 at 1:35am<b>MikeyKenneth</b> - the 12/19/2012 at 2:57am<b>homeboyangst</b> - the 12/18/2012 at 9:33pm<b>NotGabe</b> - the 12/18/2012 at 7:22pm

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dre9889's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML

#20007202
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9374) - you deserved it (29416)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:48am - misc - by Embarrassed - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

#20006521
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28244) - you deserved it (1785)

On 08/06/2012 at 9:40pm - misc - by Joe Lizen - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

#20003981
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35269) - you deserved it (2561)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by lils (woman) - United States

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

#20003981
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35269) - you deserved it (2561)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by lils (woman) - United States

Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML

#19994389
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7966) - you deserved it (46351)

On 07/31/2012 at 11:53am - love - by TheMissMuffly (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML

#19989315
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25340) - you deserved it (2858)

On 07/28/2012 at 4:38pm - intimacy - by feminista (woman) - Guatemala (Guatemala)

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

#19986519
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27419) - you deserved it (2360)

On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

#19984638
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27921) - you deserved it (5150)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Jarman (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend got a new job. He'll be over the road for three weeks at a time, and home on the remaining week. Basically, I'll see him once a month. Guess which time of month it'll fall on. FML

Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML

#19951695
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20132) - you deserved it (1889)

On 07/17/2012 at 8:54pm - work - by TimeForACareerChange (man) - United States

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

#19949637
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11160) - you deserved it (38852)

On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States

Today, my brother was playing with the pepper spray on my key chain. He didn't think it was real, so to test it he sprayed me in the mouth while I was asleep. FML

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

#19918073
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18246) - you deserved it (36533)

On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML

#19869373
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22747) - you deserved it (3068)

On 06/30/2012 at 1:08am - work - by John - United States (New York)



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