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dragon420's favorite FMLs
by Hormones apparently / 12/07/2015 at 9:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 9:43am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, while bench pressing at the gym, I noticed my spotter had spit hanging from his mouth right above me. When I tried to warn him about it, he ignored me and told me to finish the set. When the drool fell in my mouth, I was startled and dropped the 175 weights and bar on my chest. FML
by Me / 11/19/2015 at 5:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML
by Hipnog / 11/07/2015 at 9:33am / Czech Republic / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/02/2015 at 2:25pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/02/2015 at 2:05pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love
Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 9:31am / United States / Work
Today, one of my coworkers tried to convince me to be a model for his "foot fetish parties". I politely declined, just as I had the day before, and the day before that. This will probably continue every day, since our schedules are nearly identical. FML
by kindasortayeah / 10/04/2015 at 9:26pm / United States (New York) / Work
by Mrs. Ned / 09/08/2015 at 10:00pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML
by Anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 10:54am / Portugal (Lisboa) / Miscellaneous
by Haberdashing / 11/13/2013 at 3:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
by Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina / 06/01/2013 at 12:31am / United States (California) / Health
Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 8:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I was out on a family walk, when I overheard two women talking to each other. One of them was wondering how a kid with such good looking parents and grandparents could be so ugly. That kid is my daughter. FML
by Kittykat900 / 05/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United Kingdom (York) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…