doehan

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doehan

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  • Number of visits : 804
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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doehan's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

by Tragic / 04/27/2009 at 5:50pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, is my 21st birthday. I get home after my night out and walk into the garage to see a 2002 Red Corvette convertible. I run up to the car thinking its a gift and there's a note: "Dani this is not your birthday present. Quit drooling on my car. -Dad" Thanks Dad. FML

by scarletdurose88 / 04/19/2009 at 5:47pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the sandcastle contest at my local beach. While waiting in line for my hotdog, a man cut in front of me and demanded a cup of water. I called him a jack ass and was saying how people like him give us a bad reputation on the beach. I then see him running to his choking daughter. FML

by howembarrasing / 04/19/2009 at 4:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, for my mom's 50th birthday all she wanted was this gold bracelet. It was too much money for me to buy so I bought the same one in silver. Right before I gave it to her, my older sister gave her the gold bracelet which made her cry. When I gave her my present she just said "oh." FML

by ohhotdamn / 04/19/2009 at 12:27am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

by soontobedivorced / 04/19/2009 at 12:05am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, My family and I were in New Orleans. We passed by all of the naughty peep shows with posters of naked women everywhere on the way to dinner. At the restaurant, my dad asks me if that was the first pair of boobs I have seen. My mom butted in saying, "Nah, remember all that porn we found?" FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2009 at 6:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

by nic / 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

by Jenny / 03/30/2009 at 8:06pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I had to go to my son's school for career day, I explained what a banker does and then I asked if anyone had a question, one boy raised his hand and asked "When are all the cool parents gonna come?" FML

by Blah / 03/30/2009 at 12:39am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was fired for "customer dissatisfaction." I work in IT and have never met one of my company's customers. FML

by beat10 / 03/30/2009 at 12:13am / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, my boss came back from a 2 week vacation. I was the only one covering for him, and I did an excellent job. It was my chance to get a promotion. I actually improved his sales while he was gone. But the only thing he noticed was that I killed his plant. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2009 at 4:46pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

by itsgotime / 03/20/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Kansas) / Transportation

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

by Jesse / 03/20/2009 at 1:48am / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation

Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

by asleepinclass / 03/16/2009 at 1:18pm / Poland (Warszawa) / Intimacy

Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML

by Screwed / 03/15/2009 at 11:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous