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dnlphm94

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dnlphm94
  • Town/Country : United States of America
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 12 December 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 4894
  • Number of comments : 68
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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dnlphm94's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriends shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML

#13152326
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29038) - you deserved it (12191)

On 09/22/2010 at 1:37am - intimacy - by noname - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was walking outside when I saw my best friend about 100 meters away. I began running towards her, arms flailing, screaming out a tribal battle cry. It wasn't until I was nearly on top of her that I realised it was someone else. FML

#13088642
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8806) - you deserved it (29310)

On 09/17/2010 at 4:33pm - misc - by ellinor (woman) - Sweden (Jonkopings Lan)

Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML

#12948197
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22093) - you deserved it (20102)

On 09/07/2010 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, I finally decided to do regular biology rather than honors biology, thinking honors would be too hard. My first day in regular biology, my lab partner asked me whether a rock was alive or not. FML

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML

#12817288
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34604) - you deserved it (11265)

On 08/30/2010 at 3:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML

#12816242
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32477) - you deserved it (6108)

On 08/30/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I turned the shower on the hottest setting so it would warm up quickly. I started to sing and dance around the bathroom. I got too carried away and pelvic thrusted the water, which I hadn't turned back down. FML

#12513717
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6637) - you deserved it (41843)

On 08/14/2010 at 2:27am - health - by Fire_Crotch (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

#7501218
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34110) - you deserved it (2646)

On 01/22/2010 at 3:51pm - misc - by Funnymann - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML

#7483362
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7314) - you deserved it (78485)

On 01/21/2010 at 8:18pm - love - by heartbroken (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a swim in his pool. I was hoping that the swim would be somewhat romantic, however, that came to an abrupt end when he decided that it would be cool and funny to try and lift me up by my boobs. FML

#7454643
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27634) - you deserved it (3801)

On 01/20/2010 at 11:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, at work, I brewed myself a fresh cup of coffee. I set the hot coffee onto my desk. My phone rang so I answered my coffee, spilling it all over my face and body. FML

#6902851
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9336) - you deserved it (21475)

On 12/23/2009 at 1:42pm - work - by chris (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

#6302850
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6534) - you deserved it (65208)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm - animals - by TheMichaelNixon - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

#5548309
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38192) - you deserved it (5055)

On 09/29/2009 at 3:09pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finally found out that someone had stolen my debit card and maxed it out. The good news? Whoever it was forgot to change the address on the card, so everything they bought online has been shipped to me. The bad news? I've received 16 snuggies so far, and I'm still counting. FML

#5529870
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39676) - you deserved it (2973)

On 09/28/2009 at 4:36pm - money - by SnuggieOverload (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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