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djwilson50's favorite FMLs
by Flaps / 11/27/2010 at 7:36am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I check my facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption: "This is what Taco Bell does." FML
by tanya / 10/25/2010 at 8:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by breathexali / 07/24/2010 at 6:50am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My cell phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML
by BigMouth McRedface / 05/13/2010 at 10:11pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by aaalias34 / 02/26/2010 at 6:13am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML
by LoveStruck- / 02/10/2010 at 2:29am / United States / Love
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
by matchristityler / 02/09/2010 at 3:19am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my mother and I were driving through Del Taco. Instead of ordering "Macho Diet Coke", she said "Macho Diet Cock". After correcting herself and pulling up to the window, the employee who goes to my high school gave her the drink and his phone number. FML
by MachoFluster / 02/05/2010 at 2:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML
by Oops / 01/14/2010 at 10:55am / United States (Georgia) / Work
by pissfaced / 01/02/2010 at 8:41am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 3:06am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML
by axwound / 12/27/2009 at 8:04am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML
by Anonymous / 10/27/2009 at 6:28am / United Kingdom (London) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/20/2009 at 6:56am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2009 at 6:23am / Singapore / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…