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djmixedEFX

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djmixedEFX

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djmixedEFX's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

#5330246
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35167) - you deserved it (3696)

On 09/18/2009 at 10:27am - animals - by poopEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at work, finishing a presentation for my boss. Five minutes after I presented it to him, his boss walked in and asked for the same presentation I had just given. My boss presented it. His boss then turned to me and asked me "what use are you around here?" FML

#5328947
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37694) - you deserved it (2387)

On 09/18/2009 at 7:08am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iraq (Dhi Qar)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask a cute guy for his number. Once he had given me his, he asked for mine. My initial happiness was deflated when he said "Ok, now I can just block every message from you." And walked away from me. FML

#5328809
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42365) - you deserved it (3951)

On 09/18/2009 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got pulled over for going a few miles per hour over the speed limit. The cop asked for my license and registration. I happened to look down at my wallet while he was processing everything and saw my license in my wallet. I gave the cop my fake I.D. FML

#5325524
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6953) - you deserved it (58650)

On 09/18/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, during gym class, my teacher insisted that everyone should relieve some stress by throwing a basketball at the wall. I wound up and hurled the thing at the wall, it bounced back and hit me in the stomach. I began to vomit uncontrollably. Even my teacher laughed. FML

#5315969
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38783) - you deserved it (9415)

On 09/17/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by sara (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

#5309221
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22407) - you deserved it (78033)

On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

#5276065
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61713) - you deserved it (3546)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by benander (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out the high school I have been doing at home for the past 3 years isn't accredited and doesn't count for anything. I'm 18 and starting high school as a freshman next year. FML

#5252040
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54642) - you deserved it (17734)

On 09/14/2009 at 2:58pm - misc - by diplomaless (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML

#5247865
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37538) - you deserved it (8626)

On 09/14/2009 at 6:05am - money - by JhKhS (man) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I was taking my morning pills. There had been a lot of fruit flies in my house lately. I grabbed a cup of water beside to sink to wash the pills down. As soon as I tasted the drink, I realized it was vinegar and dish soap used to trap the flies. I washed my pills down with dead flies. FML

#5244786
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28336) - you deserved it (24619)

On 09/14/2009 at 1:07am - animals - by Maggie123 (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after finishing a three-page essay for my spanish class, I went to rip up my brainstorming paper in an act of triumph. After I finished ripping it up, I looked on my desk to see my brainstorming paper fully intact, and my essay torn into bits. FML

#5238031
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10239) - you deserved it (61734)

On 09/13/2009 at 9:00pm - work - by thissucks (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I stepped on the MacBook Air I purchased 4 days ago. The screen snapped in two, and I didn't buy insurance because I promised myself I would be "extra careful." $3500 well spent. FML

#5121901
353 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11508) - you deserved it (63817)

On 09/08/2009 at 2:31am - money - by AyDiosMio42 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got jumped by five dudes who took my phone. On it I had naked pictures of myself. An hour later they sent the pictures to all of my contacts. FML

#5113950
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20475) - you deserved it (42389)

On 09/07/2009 at 8:52pm - misc - by c-mack (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

#5107087
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12078) - you deserved it (71621)

On 09/07/2009 at 3:21pm - misc - by ilovefootball (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my 5th birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML

#5087899
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7764) - you deserved it (61602)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Ex-girlfried (man) - United States (Utah)



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