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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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dirtyinnocence

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dirtyinnocence
  • Town/Country : Missouri
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 125
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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dirtyinnocence's favorite FMLs

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

#7957941 (69)

I agree, your life sucks (16951) - you deserved it (3895)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:15am - love - by Bruja5 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I spent my day alone while my parents and siblings were at school and work. Trying to be helpful, I cleaned out the fridge, did 5 loads of laundry, worked outside, fed the pets and made dinner for the entire family. The evening was spent hearing complaints of how wrong I did everything. FML

#6878679 (103)

I agree, your life sucks (27255) - you deserved it (1905)

On 12/22/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by sadcinderella (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peak at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML

#4305194 (147)

I agree, your life sucks (5585) - you deserved it (57382)

On 08/05/2009 at 9:37am - love - by TextLoser (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

#2565972 (303)

I agree, your life sucks (38571) - you deserved it (11591)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm - kids - by psychortiz (man) - United States (California)

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked me where my boyfriend was. I told her he was at his house. I'm twenty and single. I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic. FML

#2136862 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (36192) - you deserved it (8972)

On 05/21/2009 at 2:21am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML

#1167512 (127)

I agree, your life sucks (35381) - you deserved it (7722)

On 04/20/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Tor (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

#837103 (586)

I agree, your life sucks (41197) - you deserved it (115417)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

#159157 (84)

I agree, your life sucks (10774) - you deserved it (49284)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

#11340 (1009)

I agree, your life sucks (445992) - you deserved it (32711)

On 02/06/2009 at 10:29am - intimacy - by caroline (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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