Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

dirty_harry_007

Search for a member

dirty_harry_007
  • Town/Country : Otago, New Zealand
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 13 June 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 1101
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About dirty_harry_007 : There are no stupid questions.... just stupid people.

dirty_harry_007's last visitors

Toby13

dirty_harry_007's FML badges

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of dirty_harry_007's badges

dirty_harry_007's favorite FMLs

Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, "You know, sometimes, you look like Kevin Spacey." FML

#18832495
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19760) - you deserved it (2315)

On 01/17/2012 at 3:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Libyan Arab Jamahiriya

Today, my wife posted on Facebook, "FUCK THA POLICE!" She got 40 likes. I'm a police officer. FML

#18829619
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38465) - you deserved it (9420)

On 01/16/2012 at 10:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came out to my father. He seemed to be totally okay with it, as long as I'm the "man" in my relationships. FML

#18825436
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25547) - you deserved it (8172)

On 01/16/2012 at 2:55pm - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

#18716901
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34137) - you deserved it (4593) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/05/2012 at 3:40pm - animals - by Fat_abott - France

Today, I found out that my best friend won $1,000 in a photography contest. With a photo I took. FML

#18620132
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31883) - you deserved it (1930)

On 12/26/2011 at 11:11pm - misc - by Jessica - United States (California)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I've gained weight. He replied, "Why do you think I've been so often on top lately?" FML

#18472242
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25793) - you deserved it (6072)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

#18467751
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40316) - you deserved it (4928)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

#18439975
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13309) - you deserved it (37045)

On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML

#18438715
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14655) - you deserved it (2630)

On 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

#18428813
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17671) - you deserved it (40213)

On 12/04/2011 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by wowthatwould (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

#18425856
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26088) - you deserved it (9586)

On 12/04/2011 at 8:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm spending time with my granny, with whom I'm supposed to live with for a few weeks. I've noticed that she repeats the last word of every sentence I say, and now I'm wondering how it's possible for me to now be so horrible that I want to punch a sweet 92-year-old lady in the head. FML

#18387979
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21294) - you deserved it (4773)

On 11/29/2011 at 9:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire and didn't realise you had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML

#18354691
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18673) - you deserved it (1885)

On 11/26/2011 at 6:38am - kids - by Annon - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

#18334603
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43459) - you deserved it (6838)

On 11/24/2011 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Faithful - Singapore

Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML

#17973250
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31415) - you deserved it (8858)

On 10/13/2011 at 3:19am - intimacy - by scewable (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: