About dinkibus : My cat is a master of Kung Fu
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24379) - you deserved it (6207)
On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)
Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30197) - you deserved it (6968)
On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8845) - you deserved it (31200)
Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7697) - you deserved it (26899)
On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States
Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25685) - you deserved it (2936)
On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17467) - you deserved it (1059)
On 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17044) - you deserved it (860)
On 06/21/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37019) - you deserved it (3015)
On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27116) - you deserved it (4933)
On 05/14/2012 at 6:31am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8993) - you deserved it (12956)
On 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm - love - by cockblocked (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26652) - you deserved it (6232)
On 04/29/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by ShadowJack - United States
Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35503) - you deserved it (2172)
On 04/24/2012 at 1:42am - animals - by jessica071509 - United States (Arizona)
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9702) - you deserved it (39880) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France
Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12777) - you deserved it (21335)
On 04/01/2012 at 10:03am - love - by Jeff make - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7429) - you deserved it (21733)
On 02/28/2012 at 4:03pm - misc - by itshilarious - United States (New York)
Friday 24 May 2013
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