diet_cocaine

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diet_cocaine

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 31 December 1986 (29 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 16942
  • Number of comments : 62
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About diet_cocaine :

diet_cocaine's page activity

Visits<b>alexanderjoe10</b> - the 09/02/2016 at 5:37pm<b>mattzawesome</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 12:09am<b>arealsexybitch</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 2:01am<b>Torvaltz</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 5:12pm<b>dcs00</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 4:47pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 7:37pm<b>GAeroNKissR</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 9:28am<b>1915destroyer</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:37pm<b>DoomSkuller</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 1:15am<b>weekendhero</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 2:25am<b>JoshArson</b> - the 12/11/2014 at 5:56am<b>ZanderBorn</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 12:28am<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 3:10pm<b>tzavengers</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 1:25pm<b>thefmlman2011</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 6:26pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 4:05am<b>sydstoomuch</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 3:18pm<b>TheMrJoee</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 5:13pm

diet_cocaine's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

diet_cocaine's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a email from my boss. He said he was going to have to let me go for missing so much work over the last week. I was laid off two months ago. I don't know what is more depressing, getting fired from a job twice or the fact it took two months for them to notice I wasn't there anymore. FML

by laxguy23 / 04/21/2009 at 11:11am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

by anonymous / 04/21/2009 at 1:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

by aviators / 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, we sparred for Tae Kwon Do. I forgot my cup, but I didn't think anyone sucked enough to hit me below the belt. 5 seconds into a match, some girl knees me in the happy sacks. After writhing in pain for 30 seconds, I got back up to spar. I didn't think she sucked enough to do it again. She did. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 6:28am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance over and see my brother's hot friend who I've been secretly in love with forever. He waved to me, and excitedly I waved back. I then hear my mom say "You're gonna die when you see how bad you look right now." FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2009 at 12:41am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got home to find my mom sitting in the kitchen reading the mail. I saw an empty bottle of Absolut peach vodka on the counter. Surprised, I picked it up and said "Wow, who drinks this?" Her reply was "Why don't you tell me? I found it in your room." FML

by izerz / 03/26/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I got hypnotized in front of my entire school. Once I was hypnotized the guy told me that the hottest celebrity in the world was in the audience and then he told me to point out who I saw. I said I saw Mick Jagger. I'm a guy. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2009 at 11:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

by imfullthanks / 03/14/2009 at 7:06pm / Norway (Oslo) / Health

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

by imfullthanks / 03/14/2009 at 7:06pm / Norway (Oslo) / Health

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

by TahRah / 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Health