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diet_cocaine

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diet_cocaine

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 31 December 1986 (27 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 16446
  • Number of comments : 62
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About diet_cocaine :

diet_cocaine's page activity

Visits<b>ZanderBorn</b> - 19 hours ago<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 3:10pm<b>tzavengers</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 1:25pm<b>thefmlman2011</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 6:26pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 4:05am<b>sydstoomuch</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 3:18pm<b>TheMrJoee</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 5:13pm<b>Darren22</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 2:41pm<b>Sockturtle</b> - the 04/22/2014 at 1:19pm<b>pplthinkimbad</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 2:36pm<b>PsychoAlexLying</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 2:03am<b>Vladash</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 11:37am<b>ApexReaper</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 2:03am<b>wopchop12</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 10:40pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 12/22/2013 at 11:24am<b>Colorguardlife_t</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 10:18am<b>SaraAnn1401</b> - the 06/29/2013 at 11:06pm<b>sneeks</b> - the 06/14/2013 at 1:59pm

diet_cocaine's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

diet_cocaine's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said 'Nice chair.' She replied 'Nice bruise' and punched me in the nuts. FML

#7766878
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11612) - you deserved it (45825)

On 02/01/2010 at 12:15am - love - by Liam. - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

#7059042
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37893) - you deserved it (17650)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by pottypattypeepants (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in line at the grocery store with my 3-year-old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had on it a cow wearing sunglasses. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML

#6533285
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45693) - you deserved it (2978)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm - misc - by annonymous - United States (California)

Today, I received the sweetest love letter from my boyfriend after having a bad day. After gushing about it and reading it to my friends, they said it reminded them of a letter that they'd seen online. He got it from a fill-in-the-blank love letter generator. FML

#6474495
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29793) - you deserved it (4830)

On 11/27/2009 at 3:09am - love - by Duped (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

#6472262
386 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7258) - you deserved it (80339)

On 11/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by obsessed (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

#6377281
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42287) - you deserved it (6896)

On 11/20/2009 at 2:29am - love - by lonelyman (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, someone at work was bragging that their son was high school valedictorian and offered a full college scholarship. 7 years ago, I was also valedictorian and got that same scholarship. All I said was, "Congratulations. Did you want fries with that?" and continued taking their order. FML

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

#6002537
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31924) - you deserved it (2492)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Jack - United States (Missouri)

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

#5975036
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34405) - you deserved it (6472)

On 10/24/2009 at 2:27pm - misc - by marz88 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said "Have fun!" FML

#5846674
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26829) - you deserved it (3076)

On 10/15/2009 at 9:59pm - health - by Rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87711) - you deserved it (14667)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, during our championship field hockey game, my mouthguard fell into a mass of geese poop. The referee made me put it back in my mouth. FML

#5451406
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48542) - you deserved it (4234)

On 09/24/2009 at 6:10pm - work - by ewewew (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

#5293926
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39676) - you deserved it (4629)

On 09/16/2009 at 3:58pm - misc - by jaskyriddims (man) - Dominica (Saint George)

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

#1681747
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62492) - you deserved it (7221)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

#1547778
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (158587) - you deserved it (24007)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)



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