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diaspora's favorite FMLs
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/18/2013 at 5:47pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by Renagirl / 09/09/2013 at 8:46am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
by NoNotCats =^._.^= / 09/03/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Arizona) / Health
by fml / 09/03/2013 at 2:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Parental Support / 08/30/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Maryland) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/23/2013 at 10:29am / United States / Love
by sirradel / 08/19/2013 at 7:15pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 08/18/2013 at 11:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML
by anonymous / 08/16/2013 at 10:05am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML
by hipster glasses / 08/16/2013 at 7:08am / United States / Work
Today, I discovered I have epilepsy. 10 years ago, I told my mother about my frequent fits of vertigo, deja vu, nausea, flashes of memory and strange sounds, smells, and images, coupled with an other-worldly feeling. I thought they were holy visions. So did she. FML
by seizure_girl / 08/15/2013 at 9:32am / United States (South Dakota) / Health
Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 3:47pm / United States / Work
- Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting… Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom,… Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent…