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Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML
Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML
Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML
Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML
Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML
Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML
Monday 1 September 2014