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diaspora's favorite FMLs
Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML
by Anonymous / 07/18/2015 at 1:00am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML
by AK-47 / 07/17/2015 at 7:04pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/24/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML
by Arcanin3Boss / 06/23/2015 at 2:37am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Partners / 06/22/2015 at 3:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML
by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 8:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Zufallian / 06/02/2015 at 8:55pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2015 at 11:12am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML
by KittKatt / 05/20/2015 at 1:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by JillianJuneBug / 05/16/2015 at 12:16pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
by Random737193 / 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by noantiquesforme / 03/30/2015 at 2:39pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/01/2015 at 1:59pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Love
- Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw… Today, I went camping and shared a tent with this girl I have been sleeping with here and there for… Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me if I don't satisfy his "needs." By "needs", he…