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diaspora

Offline (the 07/25/2014 at 7:48pm) | Search for a member

diaspora

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 856
  • Number of comments : 78
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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diaspora's page activity

Visits<b>Kyqk</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 1:22am<b>Miss_Whipped</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 12:23pm<b>Cherryta</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 11:00am<b>seth_felts</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 10:04pm<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 4:33pm<b>buonotomato</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 7:32pm<b>trent41286</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 4:26pm<b>fmluser3250</b> - the 02/14/2014 at 10:02pm<b>ThomasBombadil</b> - the 02/14/2014 at 7:05pm<b>Adula</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 3:52pm<b>phatdaddy62</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 5:53am<b>2ophiia</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 12:25am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 02/12/2014 at 6:57pm<b>raphanne</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 2:04pm<b>olpally</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 12:58pm<b>Katiekhalifa</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 12:23pm<b>callmejake</b> - the 01/18/2014 at 4:41pm<b>ILoveHashtags</b> - the 12/24/2013 at 2:20am

diaspora's FML badges

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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diaspora's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML

#21192543
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59651) - you deserved it (4613)

On 06/29/2014 at 1:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

#21192529
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42057) - you deserved it (3866)

On 06/29/2014 at 1:08pm - work - by ~~~ (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

#21180513
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45717) - you deserved it (7645)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:33am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

#21164174
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21132) - you deserved it (37820)

On 06/05/2014 at 6:23pm - misc - by charitableidiot (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got married. My father saw this as a good time to give some solemn, heartfelt advice to my new husband: "That ring gets real heavy fast." I was standing right there. So was my mother. FML

#21160325
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41516) - you deserved it (4231)

On 06/02/2014 at 10:00am - love - by CorCelesti (woman) - United States

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

#21157338
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40065) - you deserved it (6060)

On 05/30/2014 at 5:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

#21154853
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38808) - you deserved it (5555)

On 05/28/2014 at 4:33pm - health - by angelamegan21 - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46235) - you deserved it (6397)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, thanks to my phone's shitty predictive text combined with me being half-asleep, I accidentally offered my heartbroken buddy "oral support" if he ever needs it. FML

#21151390
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44683) - you deserved it (8798)

On 05/25/2014 at 5:23pm - intimacy - by whoops (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I actually uttered the words: "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

#21141634
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37248) - you deserved it (8681)

On 05/16/2014 at 8:16am - misc - by dieana (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

#21140956
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31572) - you deserved it (50748)

On 05/15/2014 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by FLIPmcCOOL - Ireland (Cork)

Today, my four year old son came into the restroom while I was applying my make-up, and asked me "Mommy, are you putting on make-up so that someone will love you?" FML

Today, after finishing a two hour essay exam that will determine the future of my career, I realized I misread the question. FML

#21132154
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46054) - you deserved it (11474)

On 05/06/2014 at 5:11am - misc - by IBS (man) - China (Shanghai)

Today, my art teacher showed off a painting of his name he got in Japan. I can read Japanese, and it actually says "Old idiot". I really don't want to break it to him. FML

#21130223
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45118) - you deserved it (4731)

On 05/04/2014 at 2:12am - misc - by Sam (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

#21129926
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38403) - you deserved it (3121)

On 05/03/2014 at 7:51pm - misc - by shylahrc - United States



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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