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diaspora

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diaspora

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  • Number of visits : 1158
  • Number of comments : 78
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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diaspora's page activity

Visits<b>moulchlo</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 1:23am<b>smartpants1014</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 10:30pm<b>Kyqk</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 1:22am<b>Miss_Whipped</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 12:23pm<b>Cherryta</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 11:00am<b>seth_felts</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 10:04pm<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 4:33pm<b>buonotomato</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 7:32pm<b>trent41286</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 4:26pm<b>fmluser3250</b> - the 02/14/2014 at 10:02pm<b>ThomasBombadil</b> - the 02/14/2014 at 7:05pm<b>Adula</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 3:52pm<b>phatdaddy62</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 5:53am<b>2ophiia</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 12:25am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 02/12/2014 at 6:57pm<b>raphanne</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 2:04pm<b>olpally</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 12:58pm<b>Katiekhalifa</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 12:23pm

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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diaspora's favorite FMLs

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39228) - you deserved it (3397)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend kept jiggling my fat rolls while we were cuddling. I was annoyed, and I told him he could at least go for my boobs instead. He instantly replied, "But these are bigger..." FML

#21293369
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34272) - you deserved it (7553)

On 11/06/2014 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, my cat decided to join in on our moans by crying at the door the entire time. He stopped as soon as we finished. FML

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32181) - you deserved it (3357)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

#21261392
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39700) - you deserved it (3575)

On 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm - health - by tbree - United States (California)

Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML

#21192543
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59888) - you deserved it (4621)

On 06/29/2014 at 1:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

#21192529
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42228) - you deserved it (3874)

On 06/29/2014 at 1:08pm - work - by ~~~ (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

#21180513
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45975) - you deserved it (7671)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:33am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

#21164174
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21185) - you deserved it (37916)

On 06/05/2014 at 6:23pm - misc - by charitableidiot (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got married. My father saw this as a good time to give some solemn, heartfelt advice to my new husband: "That ring gets real heavy fast." I was standing right there. So was my mother. FML

#21160325
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41655) - you deserved it (4242)

On 06/02/2014 at 10:00am - love - by CorCelesti (woman) - United States

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

#21157338
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40816) - you deserved it (6188)

On 05/30/2014 at 5:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

#21154853
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38928) - you deserved it (5567)

On 05/28/2014 at 4:33pm - health - by angelamegan21 - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46424) - you deserved it (6414)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, thanks to my phone's shitty predictive text combined with me being half-asleep, I accidentally offered my heartbroken buddy "oral support" if he ever needs it. FML

#21151390
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45541) - you deserved it (8861)

On 05/25/2014 at 5:23pm - intimacy - by whoops (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I actually uttered the words: "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

#21141634
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37344) - you deserved it (8696)

On 05/16/2014 at 8:16am - misc - by dieana (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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