About devilcb : A day without blood is like a day without sunshine.
Once this baby hits 88 miles an hour your gonna see some serious shit.
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Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (39968) - you deserved it (5300) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 12/31/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by aelia_oups - Sent from mobile version
Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22934) - you deserved it (2193)
On 12/25/2012 at 1:41am - misc - by CambodianAsshole (man) - United States (California)
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10680) - you deserved it (42681)
On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23776) - you deserved it (5588)
On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)
I agree, your life sucks (6145) - you deserved it (16674)
On 03/11/2012 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13978) - you deserved it (20613)
On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14085) - you deserved it (22274)
On 01/08/2012 at 7:43pm - intimacy - by caught - United States (Washington)
Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28831) - you deserved it (4083)
On 11/30/2011 at 12:39am - work - by immy504 - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71989) - you deserved it (9157)
On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29412) - you deserved it (8637)
On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway - United States (Connecticut)
Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21024) - you deserved it (3994)
On 07/26/2011 at 5:22pm - health - by smokin (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, as I went into my calculus class, the teacher announced that someone had received a negative grade on the test we were getting back. I laughed and said, "Which f*cker managed to get a negative?" Turns out I'm the dumbass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7260) - you deserved it (41277)
On 01/30/2011 at 4:24am - misc - by terrible kenny - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend tickled me. In between laughs, I warned him that I was going to pee myself. He didn't believe me. After I actually did, he suggested we use a "safety word" from now on so that he will know when I'm being serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19644) - you deserved it (3264)
On 01/23/2011 at 9:47pm - misc - by embarrassed2 (woman) - United States
Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47492) - you deserved it (6507)
On 11/13/2010 at 2:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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