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Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26659) - you totally deserved it (64165)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14950) - you totally deserved it (41615)
On 04/06/2009 at 6:41am - misc - by Anna (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was walking out of a Starbucks and saw someone walking out behind me, thinking it would be the nice thing to do I held the door open. I was holding the door for about 30 seconds before realizing I was holding the door for my own shadow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12324) - you totally deserved it (42921)
On 04/06/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML
I agree, your life sucks (49734) - you totally deserved it (2415)
On 04/05/2009 at 11:14pm - work - by maconda99 (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I sent my girlfriend of 4 years a text message saying, 'I love you more than anything.' She then replies, 'Hahah! Was that a F*ing joke?' I reply, 'No, why would it be?' She then replied, 'Cause I'm talking to the girl you've been cheating with me on for five months.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (9404) - you totally deserved it (217976)
On 04/05/2009 at 9:07pm - misc - by kcus - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to a club with a couple of my friends. I met a really cute guy and we were getting along pretty well. We eventually exchanged numbers. Later on I decided to call him and set up a date. The number he gave me was the Rejection Hotline number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48714) - you totally deserved it (5613)
On 04/05/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by jonas_93 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (107192) - you totally deserved it (27555)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I decided to take a nap. My boyfriend gave me some sleeping pills but I decided last minute not to take them. I woke up to my boyfriend kissing my neck and unbuttoning my shirt. Without opening my eyes, I whispered "ooh this is so romantic." He blurted out shocked, "Oh...you're awake?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (149869) - you totally deserved it (9547)
On 04/01/2009 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59299) - you totally deserved it (4629)
On 03/31/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by poo_shoe123 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my father asked me if he could borrow my electric razor because he wanted to "surprise mom later". Anxious to see him without his life-long beard, I willingly agreed. About half an hour later he exited the bathroom. Beard fully intact. FML
I agree, your life sucks (86918) - you totally deserved it (8384)
On 03/23/2009 at 8:38pm - misc - by ButtahSauce (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (113705) - you totally deserved it (11939)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my mom came to me and asked if I had drank her wine. I'm 16, so I lied and said "no". The next morning there was a DVD on my bed labeled "pool house security cameras - love mom." It was a video of me downing two bottles of red wine and having it off with my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28508) - you totally deserved it (138560)
On 03/12/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (220534) - you totally deserved it (244361)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11340) - you totally deserved it (3162)
On 12/17/2008 at 4:40am - love - by Gen - France (Ile-de-France)
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