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derpies

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derpies
  • Town/Country : Austin , America I guess
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 609
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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derpies's last visitors

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derpies's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of derpies's badges

derpies's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

#4619260
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68490) - you deserved it (5427)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML

#4029812
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57779) - you deserved it (21277)

On 07/25/2009 at 1:14pm - money - by Pottymouth (man) - United States

Today, I found out that even though my parents have been married for 21 years, our "family friend," who routinely accompanies us on family vacations, completes their threesome. Everyone in town has know for years, except for me and my older brother. FML

#3891505
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44883) - you deserved it (2091)

On 07/19/2009 at 10:05pm - intimacy - by whitechocolate (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I learned that "Officer, I do not consent to any searches" means "Officer, please handcuff me, I am trying to be difficult" in cop speak. FML

#3687656
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44050) - you deserved it (20909)

On 07/12/2009 at 4:59am - misc - by whatrights - United States (California)

Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

#3646272
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55342) - you deserved it (3536)

On 07/10/2009 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Iraq (Arbil)

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

#3232657
685 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75759) - you deserved it (15346)

On 06/26/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ILuvYouSoldiers (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

#399721
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48604) - you deserved it (27637)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by kaichennnxx (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

#343744
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16472) - you deserved it (70046)

On 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML

#169913
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (169519) - you deserved it (13639)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by xo_lezz (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

#142795
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (240237) - you deserved it (56631)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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