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derpies's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/11/2012 at 3:08pm / United Arab Emirates / Kids
Today, I looked into my sink's garbage disposal for the first time since I moved in two months ago. Apparently, the putrid smell was not the food I've been throwing down it, but instead, a now what appears to be mutilated litter of rats. FML
by RatFailure / 01/11/2012 at 12:23am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Janie / 01/10/2012 at 12:52am / United States / Love
by jumbledgirl / 01/10/2012 at 12:25am / United States / Work
by maruskasommers / 01/09/2012 at 4:39am / Czech Republic (Pardubicky kraj) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML
by Whyme / 01/09/2012 at 1:14am / United States (Texas) / Love
by caught / 01/08/2012 at 7:43pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
by Danny / 01/07/2012 at 5:27am / Australia / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by Anna / 01/06/2012 at 6:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/05/2012 at 11:58am / United Kingdom (London) / Love
by jwshrieky / 01/05/2012 at 11:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, after months of dating, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to take things to the next level. He told me that he couldn't have sex with me because of his religious beliefs. I would've been fine with this if it weren't for the fact that I know he and his family are all atheists. FML
by Anon / 01/04/2012 at 9:21pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
by Anonymous / 01/04/2012 at 12:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/04/2012 at 11:20am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
- Today, I had to work a double shift as a server with a multi-fractured foot because my boss decided… Today, one of my coworkers was told to empty the clothes dryer and put in more tea towels. I know… Today, I visited a new tattoo parlor, as my previous artist made me uncomfortable with his drunken,…