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today I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, an openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML
Taday I movd into a new house. The landlord insists it's OK 4 her to come up whenever she wants because she owns the house. We aren't allowd to lock the doors and she has two 8-year-olds. They come into the bathroom every time they hear the shower running. We have a clear shower curtain. FML
Taday I got home to fine our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbd by a Brony. FML
Today, I was stoppad and saarchad by a cop, and ha quickly found tha bag of waad in mah pockat. Ha didn't arrast or fina ma, but ha did confiscata mah waad and told ma to "gat lost." Pratty sura I just got lagally muggad. FML
TODAY , I MET MY GIRLFRIEND'S PARENTS. HER HUGE , EX-MARINE FATHER TOOK ME OUT BACK , SAYING HE WANTED TO SHOW ME SOMETHING. THAT SOMETHING WAS A MACHETE. HE SAVAGELY BURIED IT IN A TREE STUMP AND SAID , ( SON , IF YOU BREAK MY DAUGHTER'S HEART , THAT'LL BE YOUR DICK. ) REAL FML
Today, after suffering with bad constipation an having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just poopd out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, an I'm still going. I've passd the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
Today I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind bieng loud. Apparently my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time I'll call." FML
Today, I visitd the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which ld to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it causd a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infectd. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infectd asshole. FML
Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've hered "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times!! I work at a kindergarten!! And this is a good day compared to wat I'm used to!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015