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demonmonkey

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demonmonkey

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 392
  • Number of comments : 77
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About demonmonkey : I'm probably better than you. Accept it.

demonmonkey's page activity

Visits<b>wolfgold2</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 7:27pm<b>Mortoli</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 8:07am<b>mkay60455</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 12:51am<b>trulypar</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 5:23am<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 8:29pm<b>Tiger813</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 8:16pm<b>swick25</b> - the 03/09/2014 at 3:17pm<b>Jarl_the_Elite</b> - the 02/27/2014 at 5:57pm<b>GanJwAR15</b> - the 01/10/2014 at 10:51pm<b>scorchnight</b> - the 12/22/2013 at 12:04am<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 4:20pm<b>rrchocogrl</b> - the 10/17/2013 at 5:53pm<b>couchwarrior</b> - the 09/30/2013 at 4:17pm<b>Sp4de</b> - the 09/26/2013 at 3:21pm<b>khibaet</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 6:31pm<b>kinky44</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 3:12am<b>JohnTheLad</b> - the 09/14/2013 at 7:04pm<b>starile</b> - the 09/14/2013 at 3:30pm

demonmonkey's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of demonmonkey's badges

demonmonkey's favorite FMLs

Today, I was quite drunk so I decided to take a piss kneeling down, so I wouldn't miss. I dropped the toilet seat on my little soldier. FML

Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

#20889450
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63945) - you deserved it (6150)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm - intimacy - by oops - United States (Texas)

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56172) - you deserved it (9170)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

#20825465
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56068) - you deserved it (4908)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by shampoomice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook as she did not like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

#20761484
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66619) - you deserved it (4233)

On 07/03/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Nicks - United States (Nevada)

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

#20749220
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25215) - you deserved it (31858)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by blahblah (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

#20748362
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41363) - you deserved it (2970)

On 06/26/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

#20731352
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68822) - you deserved it (3949)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

#20724998
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72864) - you deserved it (7208)

On 06/14/2013 at 2:48am - love - by explanations (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

#19289453
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21522) - you deserved it (11861)

On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland



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