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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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deltoramastr's favorite FMLs
Today, I was fired from the babysitting job I have had for 2 years. I thought maybe the mother had found out that I sometimes let her kids stay up late and have extra sweets. The real reason, as she told me, was that she didn't want her kids loving anyone more than they love her. FML
by babysitter93 / 07/22/2009 at 8:17am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML
by Broken / 06/17/2009 at 10:12am / United States (California) / Health
Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML
by failatboys / 06/13/2009 at 11:06pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I was eating lunch with my wife. We were having a nice time when a man came up to me. He said, "Hey! Bill how are you?" I wasn't really sure, so being polite I said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name." He frowned and walked away. It was my company's Chairman of the Board. FML
by silly_billy / 06/11/2009 at 1:08am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML
by Kimmiko / 06/04/2009 at 8:17am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Transportation
by Ariel / 06/02/2009 at 8:19am / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Intimacy
Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML
by hopeless1 / 04/26/2009 at 1:40am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML
by dfhgblsf / 04/05/2009 at 3:15pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by manda / 02/16/2009 at 6:36pm / United States (Wyoming) / Intimacy
by N / 02/08/2009 at 3:04am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML
by splooge / 01/28/2009 at 10:12am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by bundie / 12/28/2008 at 2:02am / Animals