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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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deltoramastr's favorite FMLs
by notgettingany / 11/24/2010 at 12:18pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML
by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 2:36am / Reserved / Intimacy
Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML
by nurse / 11/03/2010 at 8:08am / Reserved / Work
Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2010 at 3:00am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was casually looking through my girlfriend's phone while she got ready, though she made me promise not to. To my confusion, I discovered that she had me listed as 'Saturday' in her contacts. There was also a Thursday, Friday and Sunday listed. I only ever see her on Saturdays. FML
by iprobablyhaveherpes / 10/20/2010 at 12:47am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
by sleepwalker / 09/14/2010 at 2:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/09/2010 at 7:56pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML
by Jon / 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by FavreFan99 / 01/01/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened I slipped and fell in the shower and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered "Well, she is masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!". FML
by notexactly / 12/28/2009 at 7:48pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML
by Anonymous / 09/26/2009 at 10:18pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML
by Udxero / 09/10/2009 at 3:51am / United States (Texas) / Kids
by UGH / 08/31/2009 at 7:48pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I gathered both mine and my girlfriend's families secretly to a restaurant. I paid the restaurant to play romantic music, and paid for the best table available. As soon as we finished our meal, our families gathered around and I proposed. She laughed and said no way. FML
by gtrs750 / 08/09/2009 at 9:48am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love
Today, I just found out my dad got remarried a year ago. The woman is officially living with us, I got to have lunch with her alone today. I found out she is only 22, with a 14 year old little brother. My dad's 47. I'm 17, now with a 14 year old uncle and a mom that can pass for my girlfriend. FML
by Beefballs / 07/29/2009 at 2:22am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my dad is mad at me because I've been dating a boy who I've asked him to meet but he refuses… Today, at my job as a cashier, I told two young boys who had no parents with them to stop playing.… Today, I am so used to driving with my girlfriend in the car, I accidentally called my sister babe.…