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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9253) - you deserved it (63974)
On 12/07/2010 at 1:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex with my wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30692) - you deserved it (3232)
On 11/24/2010 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by notgettingany (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9548) - you deserved it (19222)
On 11/14/2010 at 2:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Reserved
Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25171) - you deserved it (3626)
On 11/03/2010 at 8:08am - work - by nurse (woman) - Reserved
Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29224) - you deserved it (2257)
On 10/20/2010 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was casually looking through my girlfriend's phone while she got ready, though she made me promise not to. To my confusion, I discovered that she had me listed as 'Saturday' in her contacts. There was also a Thursday, Friday and Sunday listed. I only ever see her on Saturdays. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36507) - you deserved it (8687)
On 10/20/2010 at 12:47am - love - by iprobablyhaveherpes - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21057) - you deserved it (5486)
On 09/14/2010 at 2:32pm - misc - by sleepwalker - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend when he reminded me that I needed to cut my toe nails. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4839) - you deserved it (7807)
On 02/09/2010 at 7:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42759) - you deserved it (6374)
On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8864) - you deserved it (11175)
On 01/01/2010 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by FavreFan99 (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened I slipped and fell in the shower and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered "Well, she is masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18933) - you deserved it (1879)
On 12/28/2009 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by notexactly (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41228) - you deserved it (2794)
On 09/26/2009 at 10:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37209) - you deserved it (3178)
On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26665) - you deserved it (1685)
On 08/31/2009 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by UGH (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I gathered both mine and my girlfriend's families secretly to a restaurant. I paid the restaurant to play romantic music, and paid for the best table available. As soon as we finished our meal, our families gathered around and I proposed. She laughed and said no way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (81604) - you deserved it (6013)
On 08/09/2009 at 9:48am - love - by gtrs750 (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Friday 24 May 2013
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