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deathmajestic

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deathmajestic
  • Town/Country : albany
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2792
  • Number of comments : 36
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About deathmajestic : ╔══╦═╦══╦══╦╗ put this on your profile
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deathmajestic's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

#8250331
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7116) - you deserved it (29944)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:56pm - love - by CrappyValentine (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I opened the freezer for some Poptarts and a giant block of meat fell and broke my toe. FML

#8248979
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21448) - you deserved it (5714)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:05pm - misc - by freakingow (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML

#8238239
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20096) - you deserved it (3083)

On 02/14/2010 at 3:42am - love - by dzisfml - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML

#7231938
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11170) - you deserved it (29033)

On 01/09/2010 at 5:12am - misc - by Face (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checked inside like I'm supposed to and I very jokingly say, "Look at all the stuff you're stealing." She laughed nervously then hit me in the head with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML

#7215986
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24836) - you deserved it (2984)

On 01/08/2010 at 11:35am - work - by WesJaz (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had a rare phone call from my ex-girlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on in the day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember. FML

#7121282
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28992) - you deserved it (3093)

On 01/03/2010 at 4:56am - love - by CP19JK12KH (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I dropped my pencil in Bio and I leaned over to attempt to pick it up. Next thing you know it I tipped the desk over and I crashed onto my crush's lap with my face in his crotch. FML

#6722674
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28938) - you deserved it (5619)

On 12/12/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by colorfulgina (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

#6712676
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10280) - you deserved it (34801)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a repairman woke me up so he could change the filter in my furnace. This would have been fine, except he didn't wake me up until he was already in my room, where I was sleeping naked. FML

#6701307
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19416) - you deserved it (2949)

On 12/10/2009 at 10:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend invited me for dinner to meet his parents. Turns out his stepmother is my gynecologist. FML

#6645484
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34178) - you deserved it (2346)

On 12/07/2009 at 2:00am - misc - by Twiddle (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

#6392894
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11941) - you deserved it (33195)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by jibberish (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

#6392894
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11941) - you deserved it (33195)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by jibberish (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

#6355609
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12120) - you deserved it (21176)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm - animals - by nycplywood (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

#6355609
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12120) - you deserved it (21176)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm - animals - by nycplywood (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

#6355609
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12120) - you deserved it (21176)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm - animals - by nycplywood (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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