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dealio

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Today, I had to go visit mah grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut mah gum, I then proceded to make sounds of slight pain. My grandma was, at the same moment, walking by an said ( Don't masturbate in side of mah bathroom u sick teen! ) Now mah grandma thinks I am a pervert.

#1313726
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50569) - you deserved it (5550)

On 04/25/2009 at 3:51am - intimacy - by bongoboy - United States (California)

2day I was walking through town when I saw a plastic bag on the ground. Trying to be a good citizen I pickd it up intending on throwing it in the trash. When I lookd up there wasn't a trash can for another hundrd feet. So I puttd it back down. Now I've got a $200 fine to pay for littering. FML

#1303608
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23648) - you deserved it (55747)

On 04/24/2009 at 9:55pm - misc - by fml (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I parkad downtown for a faw minutas to pick up a pizza. As I was gatting out of my car, a skatchy guy cama up and askad ma for $5. I told him to gat lost and walkad away. I walkad back to tha lot with my pizza and my car was gona. Tha skatchy guy was a parking attandant. Ha had my car towad. maga FML

#1251625
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12257) - you deserved it (64397)

On 04/23/2009 at 9:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw a girl I knaw from high school at tha DMV and sha startad laaning forward. I thought sha was laaning into hug ma. So I just bagan to hug har. Sha was actually trying to throw somathing in tha garbaga. FML

#1250127
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42349) - you deserved it (15871)

On 04/23/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I didn't wear ma contacts. Determind to prove to ma friends I didn't ned tem, I read all te signs in sigt. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on ma face, bruising ma ceekbone. Te sign said: "Caution: Watc Your Step." big fat FML

#1248987
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12070) - you deserved it (59375)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by notexactly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a text from ma girlfriend saying se needd more pone credit, so I bougt er more an got anoter message saying "Great, now I ave enoug credit 4 tis..." as se spelld out a tree page message breaking up wit me!! Yes, I paid 4 er to break up wit me via text!! big fat FML

#1219528
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74836) - you deserved it (7548)

On 04/22/2009 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today , I was eating a hamburger on the streethen a pigeon cummed down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning , half of mah burger was gone , and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML

#1216393
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53595) - you deserved it (8626)

On 04/22/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by fencernick (man) - United States (New York)

Yesterday, as I caugt te train ome, a woman got on and sat on te only available seat next to me . We got talking and as te train approaced te next station, se said tat tis was er stop and se ad to go . Se exited te train and I turn to see er enter looool te compartment beind me . FML

#1215517
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48867) - you deserved it (7049)

On 04/22/2009 at 3:48am - misc - by DonMare (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

today I went out for a smoke break. A homeles person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML

#1187689
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54579) - you deserved it (18025)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:52am - misc - by Kaboom (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interestd in I parkd on campus an decidd to eat my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there she appeard out of nowhere an walkd to her car. I was parkd directly behind her car sitting there lyk a creepy ass. FML

#1187593
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53218) - you deserved it (8653)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by porkieworkie (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today... I told mah morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No... yur other chin." FML

#1183815
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37152) - you deserved it (95436)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told ma girlfriend I was quitting te town baseball team. Se said "Great. Now we can get someone wit actual talent on te team." I lauged because I tougt se was joking. Se ten replied "Wat's so funny?" FML

#1183165
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42315) - you deserved it (4933)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by xxbobsan - United States (Connecticut)

Yesterday I Told Mah Mom That I Was Taking Antidepressants Cuz I Hate Myself . She Said "That's Not Surprising . You Hate Everybody . And, Your Kind Of A Bitch." FML

#1154114
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67442) - you deserved it (21377)

On 04/20/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, at the daycare center that I volunteer at, a 5 year old boy askd me "What do u dohen u really want something?" . I told him to try his best to get it and give it his best . He endd up stealing from the donation box andhen he was caught he said that I told him to do it .

#1086361
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50109) - you deserved it (5813)

On 04/18/2009 at 1:51pm - kids - by ZAS (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my son for a walk to tell him about the looool passing of our family dog. As we were walking by the river, Ozzy (our deceased dog) was laying on the riverbank. My son thought he just ran away an we found him. Turns out my husband was too cheap to pay the 100$ vet disposal fees. FML

#796743
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74640) - you deserved it (5505)

On 04/04/2009 at 5:19am - animals - by cheaphubbyswife - Canada (Northwest Territories)



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