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deBlobX's favorite FMLs
Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML
by MistressSuzuka / 09/20/2012 at 8:05pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 09/09/2012 at 2:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I snuck out to go see my girlfriend. When I got to her house, I left my bike out front and we went on a nice walk around the block. We passed a homeless-looking woman going the opposite way. About ten minutes later, the same woman passed us, on my bike. FML
by crabmunch15 / 09/09/2012 at 1:38am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML
by wonder woman / 09/08/2012 at 12:47am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
Today, I went out to a club, hoping to score. I'd read about a trick pickup artists use called "negging" and decided to try it out. As I finished complimenting a girl for being brave enough to have not made much of an effort with her makeup, she slammed her knee between my legs. FML
by scumbag i guess / 09/07/2012 at 8:26pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML
by Anonymous / 09/07/2012 at 6:59pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work
by Gurl / 09/07/2012 at 6:32pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
by PuddlePirate / 09/07/2012 at 12:23pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, I went to a theme park. The first ride I went on broke down just as my cart reached the highest point. I had a nice view of my loving family laughing at me while management failed to fix the rollercoaster. FML
by Anonymous / 09/07/2012 at 11:33am / Miscellaneous
by guaranteed service / 09/07/2012 at 2:49am / United States / Work
by thankshun13 / 09/06/2012 at 10:45pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by Chouse / 09/06/2012 at 9:56pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/06/2012 at 8:49pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
by Heavy D / 09/06/2012 at 9:45am / United States / Work
Today, I locked myself out of the house I was house-sitting. An hour later, and my fifth attempt at climbing the fence, I figured I'd try the door one more time. Turns out I was turning the handle the wrong way and the door wasn't locked in the first place. FML
by ohhhemmgee / 09/06/2012 at 2:39am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
- Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…