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50 favourites
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Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12008) - you deserved it (44778)
On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24724) - you deserved it (19930)
On 03/20/2013 at 7:53pm - animals - by SolaceInRage (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish bi-product. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24903) - you deserved it (2686)
On 02/11/2013 at 10:48am - animals - by firestar772 - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33537) - you deserved it (2884)
On 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm - health - by SF49 - United States
Today, while my girlfriend was playing a game on my phone, an unknown number sent me a nude picture and the words "Miss you, baby." This person's mistake just cost me a black eye, and probably my relationship too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32125) - you deserved it (2789)
On 12/28/2012 at 12:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8252) - you deserved it (24821)
On 12/10/2012 at 1:09pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, while walking on a nearly empty street, my friend dared me to slap a tall muscular chick on the butt and run away. I went and did it, but before I even had a chance to turn and run, she grabbed me, bent me over her knee and spanked me until I cried. My friend filmed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5121) - you deserved it (33453)
On 10/24/2012 at 1:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21060) - you deserved it (4558)
On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, at around 11pm the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17079) - you deserved it (938)
On 10/02/2012 at 9:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21426) - you deserved it (3307)
On 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11146) - you deserved it (19317)
On 09/24/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by Fingkids - United States
Today, my 12 year-old dog died. My boyfriend's attempts to comfort me involved him muttering, "At least she knows how to play dead now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17203) - you deserved it (1255)
On 09/14/2012 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14024) - you deserved it (885)
On 09/05/2012 at 10:06am - health - by needtoscratch (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18858) - you deserved it (1622)
On 08/08/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, out of curiosity, I measured the length of my penis whilst in the shower. A couple of hours later, my father called me downstairs to show me something. Turns out I left the ruler on top of the shower tree. He won't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6695) - you deserved it (22357)
On 07/25/2012 at 9:11pm - intimacy - by Infiltrator4444 - United States (Kentucky)
Friday 24 May 2013
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