Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

dayanara

Search for a member

dayanara
  • Town/Country : Newark, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 20 May 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 2105
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About dayanara : number 1
I AM NOT SCENE.
number 2
I DON'T FUCKING TOLERATE IDIOTS.
number 3
I AM PUERTO RICAN.
number 4
MY NAME MEANS HUSBAND SLAYER IN GREEK.

that is all

dayanara's last visitors

Fhrosttymrdiesel918Broadway_Vaynerick1JonnyBoy18SpartancjmFreezephatdaddy62angrynegro7drainyou123

dayanara's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

dayanara's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

#2508726
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31738) - you deserved it (49743)

On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned to never blast classic rock with your convertible's top down while passing an SUV full of gangbanger wanna-bes. That is, of course, unless you want your immaculate, newly detailed leather seats to be decorated with pretty brown and white milkshake stains. FML

#2393913
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41691) - you deserved it (7407)

On 05/29/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML

Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML

#2298353
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50968) - you deserved it (16765)

On 05/26/2009 at 12:38am - kids - by tsakashvili (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

#2234853
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13681) - you deserved it (110361)

On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28763) - you deserved it (133773)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

#1866535
379 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68694) - you deserved it (9772)

On 05/12/2009 at 3:19am - health - by bathroomseww (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML

#1353969
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67916) - you deserved it (50454)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by Fykkhttdsetkkhvln - United States (Ohio)

Today, I called my husband and he told me that he was going to invite his friend Jeff over that night. I told him I would prefer that he didn't come over. He took it to mean that I wanted to spend time with him and came home with flowers. Then had to tell him I was leaving him. FML

#1212600
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12581) - you deserved it (132413)

On 04/21/2009 at 11:24pm - love - by kellym (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

#1104891
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (449140) - you deserved it (25565)

On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML

#915764
416 comments

I agree, your life sucks (153298) - you deserved it (7483)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by hedgehog5 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36490) - you deserved it (124637)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

#485057
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53377) - you deserved it (12241)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: