Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

davidtheday

Search for a member

davidtheday

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 22 March 1984 (30 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 33925
  • Number of comments : 94
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About davidtheday : Co-host of http://www.somethingplanet.com

And youtube.com/somethingplanet

davidtheday's page activity

Visits<b>xCensored</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 11:50pm<b>lovelypink7</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 7:38pm<b>sammiesorrow29</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 10:45pm<b>triggatray26</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 2:45pm<b>blub12345</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 5:26pm<b>Vita_1</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 3:20am<b>kAPISH</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 10:51pm<b>GothicKnife</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 10:39pm<b>Mystery01234</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 12:23pm<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 5:04am<b>cdawg69</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 12:40am<b>Tuffmuffin</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 11:25pm<b>Journiexo</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 8:29pm<b>ThePissedOff</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 1:37am<b>Stacy__me</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 4:16am<b>Liamj774</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 9:56pm<b>tbfootball88</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 3:10pm<b>moss786</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 1:20pm

davidtheday's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

davidtheday's favorite FMLs

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

#4503474
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11240) - you deserved it (129404)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by Nick (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

#4421825
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75717) - you deserved it (6557)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats and turntable scratches. FML

#4344107
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38478) - you deserved it (6673)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:22pm - work - by Jacky-Boy (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I was going to check out my secret condom stash. When I looked inside, I found a note. The note read: "Thanks hun, I really needed this. Love, Mom". FML

Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML

#3361418
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55800) - you deserved it (8568)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was playing piano for a wedding rehearsal. Bored, I decided to pass the time playing through a book of music I found in the piano bench. Some time later the bride turns to me and screams at me to stop. I had turned the page and had begun to play "Let's call the whole thing off." FML

#2730448
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10281) - you deserved it (46010)

On 06/08/2009 at 8:14pm - work - by Chipper (man) - United States (California)

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

#1690188
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98803) - you deserved it (22695)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

#1643455
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18983) - you deserved it (43140)

On 05/04/2009 at 8:46pm - kids - by Jon (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML

#1454784
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65734) - you deserved it (4821)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:30pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

#1177912
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51106) - you deserved it (23936)

On 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm - animals - by whymommywhy (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
925 comments

I agree, your life sucks (348632) - you deserved it (38617)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, on my flight to Vegas, I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine. A few minutes later, a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me and even started to talk to me. When I said, "I like rugged men." he said "Oh ya, me too! I really like buff guys also." FML

#831202
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63815) - you deserved it (11780)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:40am - love - by vela9002 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working at a Subway store right next to a big hospital, there was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted. Without turning around, I asked the next person in line, "I'll bet you want yours extra toasted?" She was a burns victim from the hospital. FML

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

#615927
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15981) - you deserved it (70499)

On 03/26/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Alex (man) - United States (Georgia)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: