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davidjr_saldana

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davidjr_saldana
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 915
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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davidjr_saldana's favorite FMLs

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

#14647834
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8893) - you deserved it (30535)

On 01/20/2011 at 5:55am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML

#14647585
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26292) - you deserved it (8826)

On 01/20/2011 at 4:39am - intimacy - by saddened97 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML

#14610611
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12848) - you deserved it (34224) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

#14610613
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38063) - you deserved it (25747) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

#14608705
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28334) - you deserved it (18981) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I asked my parents if I had a college fund because I will be going to university in two years. They laughed. FML

#14528357
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22754) - you deserved it (4770)

On 01/10/2011 at 12:38am - money - by Anonymous -

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

#14512160
458 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66243) - you deserved it (3486)

On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML

#14502012
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8295) - you deserved it (25618)

On 01/07/2011 at 10:09pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML

#14497431
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30237) - you deserved it (6295)

On 01/07/2011 at 2:10pm - misc - by BiteMe14 - United States

Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML

#14369439
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9104) - you deserved it (16032)

On 12/28/2010 at 1:04pm - misc - by Good 2 have friends. - United States (New York)

Today, I was in a very crowded train coming home from work. I saw a cute guy sitting across from me. As I lifted my one leg to hook it over my other leg, I let out a loud fart. All I could do was sit there and wait for my stop. FML

#14368305
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23484) - you deserved it (9271)

On 12/28/2010 at 10:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I woke up late for work, and got sick at work twice; when I got home I discovered I'd paid my cable bill late when I got cut off. When my girlfriend came over, the first thing she said was "Do you know about the graffiti on your car?" FML

#14258015
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35746) - you deserved it (2715)

On 12/19/2010 at 6:29am - misc - by byepolar_bare (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML

#14251219
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22888) - you deserved it (3690)

On 12/18/2010 at 7:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML

#14228543
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37401) - you deserved it (4365)

On 12/16/2010 at 9:23pm - misc - by carson28 - United States (California)

Today, I was showing my Mom how to use the Internet on her phone. As there was bad reception, it said "Unexpected Failure." Seeing it, she muttered under her breath, "Just like you, then..." FML

#13937046
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24063) - you deserved it (2019)

On 11/22/2010 at 1:35pm - misc - by unexpected_failure (man) - United Kingdom (Belfast)



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