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dav3800's favorite FMLs
by none / 08/22/2013 at 12:27am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by mykhael / 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm / United States (Louisiana) / Animals
Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML
by Loser / 08/21/2013 at 11:17am / United States / Geek
Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML
by mycar / 08/20/2013 at 1:40pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML
by no that does not help / 08/20/2013 at 9:41am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a homeless man. As we left the train he shook my hand and was seemingly on his way. That was until he caught me greeting my boyfriend, to which he decided to tell the romantic story of how he murdered a man for "getting too close to his woman." FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 4:38am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Transportation
Today, I was at a "bring your family to work" event. I noticed my coworker brought his kids but not his wife, so I asked, "No wife today?" Everyone glared at me and he pointedly replied that she's married to someone else now. I had no idea. Now everyone thinks I'm an insensitive prick. FML
by insensitive prick / 08/19/2013 at 3:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I had a group presentation. I kept zipping my jacket up and down nervously. As I waited for my turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me. I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket. I only had a bra on underneath. FML
by xxSecretAngelxx / 08/19/2013 at 2:35pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by FamilyLoving / 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML
by Love stinks / 08/19/2013 at 9:06am / United States / Love
by mamaflower / 08/19/2013 at 4:03am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
by DrtySnchez / 08/18/2013 at 5:37am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by fail / 08/18/2013 at 12:41am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
by frustrated / 08/17/2013 at 6:56pm / Ireland (Kerry) / Intimacy
Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML
by ggabrams / 08/17/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids