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dav3800's FML badges
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dav3800's favorite FMLs
Today, my English teacher kicked me out of class for being "rude and disruptive." In actuality, I had called her out for having blatantly used Google Translate for several example sentences, all of which sounded as if a semi-literate foreigner had constructed them. FML
by hackshack / 06/08/2012 at 3:45pm / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML
by me / 06/08/2012 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Darwin_Award_Winner / 06/07/2012 at 8:10am / United States (Texas) / Health
by anonymous / 06/07/2012 at 7:00am / United States / Animals
Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, when she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML
by Anonymous / 06/05/2012 at 3:34pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML
by kufan1324 / 06/04/2012 at 11:47pm / United States / Work
by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by BooBabe / 06/04/2012 at 7:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by nanall / 06/04/2012 at 3:19am / United States / Kids
Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to break up with her. It was a hard decision and both of us became quite emotionally overwhelmed at the time. We began to hug as a final goodbye, then her mum burst in the room and yelled, "HE FINALLY PROPOSED!" FML
by Matt / 06/03/2012 at 10:21am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/01/2012 at 10:29am / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous
Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML
by Anonymous / 06/01/2012 at 3:02am / United States / Kids
Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML
by Anonymous / 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Discouraged / 05/31/2012 at 8:43am / United States (Maryland) / Kids
Today, while sitting in my Forensic Psychology class, my professor listed all of the main traits that indicate someone may very well be a sociopath. Every single trait described my fiancé perfectly. FML
by Getmeout / 05/31/2012 at 2:50am / United States (Virginia) / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…