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dav3800's FML badges
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dav3800's favorite FMLs
Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML
by disgusted / 10/04/2012 at 7:24pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
by Anonymous / 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Nebraska) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/04/2012 at 11:17am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 4:24am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I got to wait on one of those tables where everyone had very complex orders, and some of them sent their food back. When the time finally came for me to bring them their check and receive my well-earned tip, I returned only to discover that they'd dined and dashed. FML
by WaitedOut / 10/03/2012 at 4:07am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 1:57pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids
by bacon lovers worst nightmare / 09/26/2012 at 2:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML
by ahappypenguin / 09/26/2012 at 12:07am / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room". FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 12:32am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML
by Judy / 09/19/2012 at 7:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
by Shame / 09/19/2012 at 4:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/14/2012 at 12:51pm / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/14/2012 at 1:28am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 4:37pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Transportation
- Today, I found my daughters hiding spot. Yeah there was dolls, matchbox cars and coloring markers.… Today, my best friend of 12 years told me she couldn't attend my wedding. What was so important to… Today, I had to work a double shift as a server with a multi-fractured foot because my boss decided…
- Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and… Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…