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50 favourites
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50 quality responses
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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote: "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10323) - you deserved it (34336)
On 04/23/2012 at 6:06pm - misc - by pathetic (man) - Poland (Mazowieckie)
Today, I realized that both my husband and son refer to me as "the bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13728) - you deserved it (17607)
On 04/22/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by stoggie96 - United States (Ohio)
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33512) - you deserved it (2675)
On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon
Today, I locked my car. I put the key in my bag when suddenly my car began to roll backwards. I tried to get the key out of my bag but couldn't find it, and with the other hand I tried to stop the car. The worst thing was that some dumbass was watching me and didn't help. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8639) - you deserved it (11193)
On 04/20/2012 at 2:41am - misc - by rabbitoncocaine (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)
Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28539) - you deserved it (2407)
On 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by lindsaykay - United States
Today, I realized I'm too short to use the urinals at work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21166) - you deserved it (1800)
On 04/06/2012 at 7:32am - work - by littleman (man) - United States
Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15596) - you deserved it (2004)
On 04/05/2012 at 12:13am - work - by Kait - United States
Today, I noticed a strange lady following me around in the mall. After a while I began to get creeped out, so I confronted her. Apparently she has to make sure everything she buys is better than what I buy. After a long silence she said, "What? You never noticed me before?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23596) - you deserved it (1314)
On 04/03/2012 at 11:40pm - misc - by Eliza - United States (Texas)
Today, I discovered that the stream of water that periodically falls onto the ground outside my apartment window isn't actually water. The guy above me regularly pees out of his window onto his balcony. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15492) - you deserved it (1012)
On 03/28/2012 at 8:44pm - misc - by deadgrass (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13873) - you deserved it (1692)
On 03/21/2012 at 9:25am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28877) - you deserved it (1905)
On 03/17/2012 at 12:53am - misc - by Taylor Easley - United States (California)
Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18265) - you deserved it (1962)
On 03/17/2012 at 12:37am - work - by CDeVeney92 - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15089) - you deserved it (8038)
On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland
Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20772) - you deserved it (1897)
On 03/14/2012 at 7:31am - misc - by CierraJordan - United States (Utah)
Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7429) - you deserved it (21729)
On 02/28/2012 at 4:03pm - misc - by itshilarious - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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