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dav3800

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dav3800
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2500
  • Number of comments : 114
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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dav3800's favorite FMLs

Today, my 16-year-old cousin came to visit for the week. So far, she's said "raunchy", "cray-cray", "legit", and "like" an uncountable number of times. She's only been here for a half hour. FML

#20881272
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38283) - you deserved it (3162)

On 09/14/2013 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML

#20879220
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42579) - you deserved it (4677)

On 09/13/2013 at 1:55am - work - by ellen77 - United States (California)

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54522) - you deserved it (8925)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

#20876850
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20575) - you deserved it (70191)

On 09/11/2013 at 9:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

#20876692
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53066) - you deserved it (11819)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by spiritbeast33 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

#20876171
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47281) - you deserved it (9472)

On 09/10/2013 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by CityBoysNow - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out I do not have a fast metabolism, I've actually had a tape worm living inside me for 3 years. FML

#20875969
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54969) - you deserved it (3146)

On 09/10/2013 at 5:41pm - health - by Iskylite (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45026) - you deserved it (3821)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

#20871260
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48272) - you deserved it (4050)

On 09/07/2013 at 10:17am - misc - by ...thanks (woman) - United States

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48718) - you deserved it (17339)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

#20866525
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22059) - you deserved it (35157)

On 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm - health - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

#20865687
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47873) - you deserved it (10277)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by fml (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

#20862871
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21354) - you deserved it (82741)

On 09/01/2013 at 5:57am - intimacy - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia

Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML

#20862628
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42126) - you deserved it (2910)

On 09/01/2013 at 12:40am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)



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