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dav3800's FML badges
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dav3800's favorite FMLs
Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML
by Anonymous / 02/16/2014 at 2:21pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/16/2014 at 12:22pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Work
Today, I needed to borrow money from my girlfriend. I went into her bag and pulled out the money all while a lady watched me open-mouthed. Turns out it wasn't my girlfriend's bag. It belonged to the lady watching me. FML
by anon / 02/16/2014 at 7:56am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Money
Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2014 at 6:14pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by fuck my goddamn life / 02/15/2014 at 3:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was grading work my students had done with a sub. I realized one student had gotten hold of the teachers' edition of the textbook when I read ten papers in a row that had "Student answers may vary" as the answer to problem number four. My students can't even cheat properly. FML
by chinaski7628 / 02/15/2014 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Work
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
by accident / 02/14/2014 at 5:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, a guy called customer support, claiming his internet wasn't working. I asked for his customer details, and he gave his name as Mike Hunt. I recognized the old joke, called him an idiot, and hung up on him. It turned out that was his real name. I'm now on suspension. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2014 at 4:39pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by fuck you right back, cockspit / 02/14/2014 at 4:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by BabeWithBrains / 12/08/2013 at 2:01pm / United States (Wyoming) / Love
by ballplaya52 / 12/08/2013 at 12:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
by AshleyRose24 / 11/23/2013 at 3:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by quit fucking up my life / 11/22/2013 at 8:08pm / United States (Alaska) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/22/2013 at 3:51pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
by spooked / 11/22/2013 at 1:20am / United States (Indiana) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…