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danzi5

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danzi5

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  • Number of visits : 1911
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

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danzi5's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 11:30pm<b>RunZoneFive</b> - the 08/06/2009 at 2:13am

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danzi5's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

#4933603
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55181) - you deserved it (4422)

On 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by shaggy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

#4706873
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37186) - you deserved it (2774)

On 08/21/2009 at 11:36am - love - by sophistication (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML

#4580514
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58701) - you deserved it (7159)

On 08/16/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

#4555175
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43901) - you deserved it (21040)

On 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by notguilty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

#4235904
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64427) - you deserved it (5242)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

#4158002
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57343) - you deserved it (17217)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

#4133351
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61241) - you deserved it (6529)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

#4133351
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61241) - you deserved it (6529)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "wtf am I doing," he kissed my boob. FML

#4021792
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17226) - you deserved it (49246)

On 07/25/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML

#3973803
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55447) - you deserved it (7932)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML

#3973803
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55447) - you deserved it (7932)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML

#3875775
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48005) - you deserved it (7477)

On 07/19/2009 at 3:25am - work - by Eh... (man) - Ukraine (Kyyivs'ka Oblast')



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