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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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danzi5

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danzi5
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1091
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

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danzi5's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

#4933603 (266)

I agree, your life sucks (44795) - you deserved it (3099)

On 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by shaggy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

#4928502 (231)

I agree, your life sucks (46089) - you deserved it (5478)

On 08/30/2009 at 12:40pm - love - by mylifesucks (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

#4706873 (109)

I agree, your life sucks (29274) - you deserved it (1843)

On 08/21/2009 at 11:36am - love - by sophistication (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML

#4679110 (343)

I agree, your life sucks (34980) - you deserved it (98543)

On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML

#4580514 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (46643) - you deserved it (4915)

On 08/16/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

#4555175 (235)

I agree, your life sucks (36581) - you deserved it (15857)

On 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by notguilty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

#4462410 (240)

I agree, your life sucks (921) - you deserved it (2436)

On 08/11/2009 at 11:07pm - kids - by ahhahaha (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

#4235904 (275)

I agree, your life sucks (52650) - you deserved it (3716)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

#4158002 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (46476) - you deserved it (12641)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

#4133351 (348)

I agree, your life sucks (51321) - you deserved it (4755)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "wtf am I doing," he kissed my boob. FML

#4021792 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (12706) - you deserved it (36030)

On 07/25/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I said to the pool-boy of my house: “I know what you are doing and you have to stop it.” He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML

#3973803 (274)

I agree, your life sucks (45484) - you deserved it (5884)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML

#3875775 (190)

I agree, your life sucks (38069) - you deserved it (5547)

On 07/19/2009 at 3:25am - work - by Eh... (man) - Ukraine (Kyyivs'ka Oblast')

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566 (473)

I agree, your life sucks (21790) - you deserved it (860)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

#3661940 (146)

I agree, your life sucks (36080) - you deserved it (4350)

On 07/11/2009 at 5:10am - work - by grannysmack (woman) - United States (Iowa)