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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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danyfuckinheatle

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danyfuckinheatle
  • Town/Country : San Jose, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 20 January 1981 (31 years)
  • Number of visits : 969
  • Number of comments : 71
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About danyfuckinheatle : I'm a fuckin allstar.

danyfuckinheatle's last visitors

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danyfuckinheatle's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking through an old photo album of mine. I turned to a page with a picture of me on my last day of college. I thought the picture was quite nice. He turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I take bad pictures too." FML

#12234488 (102)

I agree, your life sucks (18140) - you deserved it (2112)

On 07/31/2010 at 10:28pm - love - by XxHinkaixX (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend and his friends had a conversation about the power of boobs. He later asked me to make him a sandwich to "prove my love for him." I said "How about I just show you my tits?" Without looking up from the TV, he said, "How about you make me a sandwich?" FML

#6702575 (245)

I agree, your life sucks (10029) - you deserved it (19022)

On 12/10/2009 at 11:19pm - love - by Sheik (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML

#6352873 (98)

I agree, your life sucks (8437) - you deserved it (46094)

On 11/18/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by omgitserika - United States (California)

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

#6053376 (175)

I agree, your life sucks (6874) - you deserved it (35485)

On 10/29/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by TrueScotsman (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went to buy a cake for my daughter's birthday. She really loves Twilight, so I decided to get her a vampire-related cake. I wrote down "fangs" as a decoration. The baker thought it said "wangs". My 10 year old daughter's cake has wangs all over it. Her party is tomorrow morning. FML

#4374994 (381)

I agree, your life sucks (33996) - you deserved it (6118)

On 08/08/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by TheCake - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML

#3025655 (279)

I agree, your life sucks (36509) - you deserved it (13737)

On 06/19/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by ilikeirishducks (woman) - Italy

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

#1775863 (84)

I agree, your life sucks (30577) - you deserved it (17437)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:50am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

#981592 (250)

I agree, your life sucks (77401) - you deserved it (28876)

On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to Walgreen's for a tub of Vaseline. The old guy at the counter looked at me, winked, and said, "Not having too much luck with the ladies, eh?" He was right. FML

#681464 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (56882) - you deserved it (9271)

On 03/29/2009 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my cat got into the bathroom while I was changing my tampon. As I was throwing the applicator away, I felt a sharp pain around my vagina; I looked down to find him swatting at the tampon string. FML

#263431 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (45395) - you deserved it (8665)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:05pm - animals - by fannylovesfelix (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

#509 (75)

I agree, your life sucks (6889) - you deserved it (40142)

On 12/13/2008 at 10:58pm - intimacy - by Mateo - Sent from mobile version