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dannyngnX's favorite FMLs
Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
by Skyler / 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML
by first time at McDonald's in months... / 03/27/2013 at 1:04am / United States / Health
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
by fuckyoutoo / 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML
by dearbailee / 09/18/2012 at 10:04am / United States / Transportation
Today, while I was shopping at a store with my friend, I noticed a cute girl smiling at us. My friend said "She's all yours," and walked away. When I approached her, she asked me if my friend was single. FML
by ZAS / 08/22/2012 at 12:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML
by ouch / 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm / United States (Florida) / Money
Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML
by DanteWest1000 / 04/03/2012 at 12:43am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
by maddie! / 02/09/2011 at 12:48pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I drove to buy new sneakers to work out and lose weight. Coming out of the store, I saw someone had parked too close to me. I had to beg a stranger to back my car out for me, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get into the driver's seat. FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2011 at 1:27am / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
by kaylajere / 05/26/2010 at 4:17am / United States (Texas) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML
by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML
by FMluck / 02/26/2009 at 5:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by TheEnglishOne / 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
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