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Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4652) - you deserved it (26660)
On 06/14/2012 at 4:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Croydon)
Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18881) - you deserved it (2423)
On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14651) - you deserved it (1964)
On 06/11/2012 at 2:16pm - work - by bronieswillrule5eva (man) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)
Today, my father-in-law called me an idiot for buying him coffee cake because he can't have caffeine. He refuses to believe that there's as much coffee in coffee cake as there is ham in a hamburger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14542) - you deserved it (1693)
On 06/06/2012 at 1:23am - health - by 635CSi (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5675) - you deserved it (24983)
On 06/03/2012 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Spain (Castilla y Leon)
Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9908) - you deserved it (24282)
On 06/02/2012 at 11:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7661) - you deserved it (28485)
On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)
Today, I was walking up some stairs, and I told the guy in front of me to be careful, as the handrail was loose and well-worn. I then put my hand on it, and promptly fell backwards down the stairs with a piece of handrail still in my hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11831) - you deserved it (3892)
On 05/20/2012 at 1:11pm - misc - by taob (woman) - China (Guangxi)
Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML
I agree, your life sucks (14206) - you deserved it (5569)
On 05/20/2012 at 11:03am - health - by jcdc - United States (Texas)
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19079) - you deserved it (1955)
On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)
Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10356) - you deserved it (16497)
On 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23723) - you deserved it (1292)
On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11022) - you deserved it (37278) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/02/2012 at 1:06am - love - by Flip (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)
Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16504) - you deserved it (3369)
On 04/21/2012 at 11:27pm - health - by JurassicHole (man) - United States
Today, I took a pregnancy test. I waited the longest two minutes of my life just to realize I missed the stick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6706) - you deserved it (16611)
On 04/05/2012 at 3:01pm - misc - by darkestbarbie - United States (Georgia)
Monday 17 June 2013
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