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danis

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danis
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1008
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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danis's favorite FMLs

Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the handle of the brush. I laughed and told the rest of my family. Instead of joining in on the hilarity, my mother screamed, "We have had that toilet brush for twenty-six years!" FML

#19995981
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19564) - you deserved it (1614)

On 08/01/2012 at 3:59am - misc - by SLAB_GIRL15 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

#19967014
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17946) - you deserved it (3072)

On 07/21/2012 at 4:00am - kids - by It was the 11 year old - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to live with her father because they have a faster internet connection. FML

#19875787
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20207) - you deserved it (4024)

On 07/01/2012 at 12:00pm - kids - by grrr1234 -

Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML

#19822134
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22411) - you deserved it (6167)

On 06/21/2012 at 1:40am - kids - by Bad Mommy - United States (California)

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

#19812569
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17711) - you deserved it (10801)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm - misc - by Shelby - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm driving cross-country with my parents. As if the stifling heat isn't bad enough, they keep stopping to admire, comment on, and practically do a photoshoot in every corn field we pass. FML

#19797728
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16064) - you deserved it (1757)

On 06/16/2012 at 4:36pm - misc - by gabby - United States

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9150) - you deserved it (17086)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML

#19787973
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4634) - you deserved it (26572)

On 06/14/2012 at 4:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

#19772012
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18764) - you deserved it (2420)

On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

#19770940
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14612) - you deserved it (1961)

On 06/11/2012 at 2:16pm - work - by bronieswillrule5eva (man) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)

Today, my father-in-law called me an idiot for buying him coffee cake because he can't have caffeine. He refuses to believe that there's as much coffee in coffee cake as there is ham in a hamburger. FML

#19742192
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14481) - you deserved it (1692)

On 06/06/2012 at 1:23am - health - by 635CSi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

#19726729
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5660) - you deserved it (24926)

On 06/03/2012 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Spain (Castilla y Leon)

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

#19720443
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9866) - you deserved it (24127)

On 06/02/2012 at 11:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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