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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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danis

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danis
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 30 March 1997 (14 years)
  • Number of visits : 758
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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danis's favorite FMLs

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

#18995010 (85)

I agree, your life sucks (6069) - you deserved it (694)

On 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by wetdreams - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener. FML

#18981474 (128)

I agree, your life sucks (3649) - you deserved it (5368)

On 02/03/2012 at 12:25am - misc - by coleslaw (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML

#18936748 (254)

I agree, your life sucks (11472) - you deserved it (812)

On 01/28/2012 at 7:46pm - misc - by Come on - United States

Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML

#18892690 (64)

I agree, your life sucks (8555) - you deserved it (800)

On 01/23/2012 at 7:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML

#18433358 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (4142) - you deserved it (12513)

On 12/05/2011 at 12:41am - money - by Christina - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

#18202922 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (21035) - you deserved it (15410)

On 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML

#18049596 (154)

I agree, your life sucks (9451) - you deserved it (1954)

On 10/22/2011 at 10:06pm - kids - by me - United States (Maine)

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

#18044688 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (6660) - you deserved it (4687) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/22/2011 at 8:40am - kids - by titoutou222 - France

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

#17953738 (502)

I agree, your life sucks (9958) - you deserved it (6568)

On 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

#17742835 (268)

I agree, your life sucks (23639) - you deserved it (3650)

On 09/14/2011 at 7:06am - misc - by funnymanjoe - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

#17638273 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (25867) - you deserved it (3075)

On 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by mannydanny (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

#17629318 (217)

I agree, your life sucks (31137) - you deserved it (7889)

On 08/31/2011 at 12:04pm - kids - by MJjunior (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found my husband Googling the Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML

#17611865 (184)

I agree, your life sucks (22711) - you deserved it (2332)

On 08/29/2011 at 11:38am - health - by KJL - United States

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

#17610443 (200)

I agree, your life sucks (11959) - you deserved it (1084)

On 08/29/2011 at 4:33am - health - by SoupCanoe - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

#17586114 (267)

I agree, your life sucks (22903) - you deserved it (3714)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States