daniisme

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daniisme

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 9 December 1996 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5242
  • Number of comments : 260
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About daniisme : Im bored.

daniisme's page activity

Visits<b>DeMamp</b> - the 10/19/2016 at 4:55am<b>_Adog2645</b> - the 10/11/2016 at 10:56pm<b>Arnv</b> - the 07/29/2016 at 12:52pm<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - the 05/02/2016 at 6:17pm<b>kayla5797</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 10:26pm<b>taylorbrown97</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 4:29pm<b>Rolz14</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 12:10am<b>DragonBorn69</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 8:57am<b>mcbatmanrainbows</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 8:49pm<b>melons</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 7:59pm<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 6:13am<b>soveryunoriginal</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 10:35pm<b>hplover32</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 6:43pm<b>paskievitchjack</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 11:52pm<b>fayza564</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 4:52am<b>PickledSweets</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 3:35pm<b>dageorge21</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 6:58pm<b>dianadarwish</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 8:46pm

daniisme's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

daniisme's favorite FMLs

Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML

by poolboy / 04/14/2009 at 4:51am / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

by BadBreath / 04/08/2009 at 11:43pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML

by Anonymous / 04/08/2009 at 12:03am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to explain why we got the parts we did. He said he tried matching our characters to who we actually are. I play a whore who's a transvestite. FML

by InsideActress / 04/05/2009 at 3:11pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 4:42pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2009 at 12:46am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I got hypnotized in front of my entire school. Once I was hypnotized the guy told me that the hottest celebrity in the world was in the audience and then he told me to point out who I saw. I said I saw Mick Jagger. I'm a guy. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2009 at 11:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

by JohnMackSquirts / 03/19/2009 at 1:15am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML

by bluten / 03/18/2009 at 12:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

by KAAALIS / 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

by poop / 03/08/2009 at 7:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came to work, to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML

by oh_mylanta / 03/02/2009 at 4:10am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

by Scottrick / 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

by Sad / 03/01/2009 at 4:08am / United States (California) / Intimacy