i am human
Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15162) - you totally deserved it (1540)
On 11/16/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - Japan (Okinawa)
Today, my date sent me a text saying "I'm sorry we're running late, we will be there shortly." I replied asking what she meant by "we". She said her parents, who were coming along to chaperone. I laughed about two 27 year olds having chaperones, until she walked in with her parents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20011) - you totally deserved it (1338)
On 11/11/2009 at 1:53pm - love - by Tragics (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6566) - you totally deserved it (10317)
On 10/12/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by catgirl911 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4247) - you totally deserved it (24305)
On 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by BEE (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was on my computer when the girl that I really like instant-messages me. I went to type back, accidentally pressed control-V, and posted an entire article on how to remove genital warts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7976) - you totally deserved it (24355) - moderated and selected by Kevin Nealon
On 10/01/2009 at 1:58am - health - by Garrett (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I proposed to a girl I'd been in love with for 6 years. I filled the balcony of the building where I'd first laid eyes on her with innumerable roses and, under the starlit sky, I did it. She later posted on facebook 'OMG. This geek I knew from high school did the FUNNIEST thing today'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40332) - you totally deserved it (18522)
On 07/13/2009 at 4:16pm - love - by JackOLantern (man) - Satellite Provider
Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29387) - you totally deserved it (7095)
On 06/29/2009 at 11:41am - misc - by merkris (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got a call from my son's second grade teacher. He happens to write and throw with both hands, and wanted to share this during show and tell. Apparently, he didn't know the word for this is ambidextrous, because his teacher told me, "Your son just told the whole class that he's bisexual!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (30652) - you totally deserved it (2299)
On 06/22/2009 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7477) - you totally deserved it (36079)
On 05/24/2009 at 1:01am - misc - by Clueless (woman) - United States
Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19945) - you totally deserved it (25117)
On 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I proceeded to tell the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43201) - you totally deserved it (8662)
On 05/12/2009 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48135) - you totally deserved it (4591)
On 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm - love - by airport (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how this is for you, I proceeded to play for about 3 seconds when I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46231) - you totally deserved it (3352)
On 05/06/2009 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, 5 hours into my shift in a cafe I realized there were two stickers on my back that read: "Don't touch my no-no square" and "I wear diapers." I make food with my back to customers all day and I walk through the seating area delivering food. No one said anything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34751) - you totally deserved it (1880)
On 05/05/2009 at 2:11am - work - by kekumbas (man) - United States (Illinois)
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