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dandee_one

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dandee_one

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  • Number of visits : 318
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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dandee_one's page activity

Visits<b>Welshite</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 4:28pm<b>BBlah</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 9:32pm<b>hereicomment</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 11:39pm<b>NotAWalnut</b> - the 04/25/2014 at 9:48pm<b>olpally</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 10:59pm<b>unicornhanna</b> - the 02/18/2014 at 4:44pm<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 12:55pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 12:07pm<b>varutha</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 10:42am<b>1PersonIsMyWorld</b> - the 12/07/2013 at 1:53pm<b>madnessking</b> - the 12/03/2013 at 10:38pm<b>Soulsbane96</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 4:41pm<b>pickleOnABun</b> - the 11/27/2013 at 11:53pm<b>TheBrightSide00</b> - the 10/22/2013 at 10:32am<b>OptimusVader</b> - the 09/26/2013 at 11:27pm<b>Typicall</b> - the 09/02/2013 at 11:27am<b>fabulosogurlee</b> - the 08/14/2013 at 10:03am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 08/10/2013 at 7:33am

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dandee_one's favorite FMLs

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

#21258033
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30285) - you deserved it (17479)

On 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

#21256772
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38119) - you deserved it (2537)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:05am - work - by Diachronic (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

#21242424
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37495) - you deserved it (6738)

On 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm - misc - by royallymessedup -

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24245) - you deserved it (44602)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

#21225778
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38654) - you deserved it (6702)

On 07/31/2014 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

#21166563
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43115) - you deserved it (6107)

On 06/07/2014 at 10:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

#21128082
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23648) - you deserved it (34240)

On 05/01/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by Mortifiedcharityworker (woman) - Austria

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML

#20922701
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41589) - you deserved it (9332)

On 10/16/2013 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

#20894419
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50285) - you deserved it (4822)

On 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm - intimacy - by Craigslist is Evil. - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

#20836718
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54189) - you deserved it (6161)

On 08/14/2013 at 5:11am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

#20799228
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59935) - you deserved it (7810)

On 07/23/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by GiantsFan13 - United States (Colorado)



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