About dancinwookie : I'm a walking non-sequitur. I try to spread sunshine, so, please, don't piss on my parade. You can message me, but it might take me a little bit to respond. I love rainbows more than I can verbally express. Sometimes I give just the absolute worst advice on here, because the outcome that is playing in my head is beyond ridiculously funny. My humor is imagination based.
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dancinwookie's favorite FMLs
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
by Mr_poole / 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by Liferuinedforever / 05/14/2013 at 3:13am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Kids
by What the fuck, son? / 05/11/2013 at 12:21pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Kids
by stephscort / 05/11/2013 at 9:32am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by tdrtnlz / 05/11/2013 at 2:25am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/10/2013 at 7:16pm / Switzerland (Sankt Gallen) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/10/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Carrie / 05/08/2013 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 11:04am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, for a laugh, I put vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar and went to the mall to eat it with a spoon. Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace. They shoved me into a back room and grilled me about what was in the jar. FML
by longsock123 / 04/30/2013 at 11:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML
by a tad whipped / 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm / Australia / Money
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML
by gibbette / 04/28/2013 at 1:32pm / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 12:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML
by mybossisanass / 04/23/2013 at 4:17am / United States / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, my boyfriend told me that I moan too much when we have sex. I actually just fake my moans in… Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of… Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis…